Wednesday, November 3, 2010

my life is funnier than yours

as you all know, i spent last weekend in Miami with two of my favorite girls in the world and this is a peek into the ridiculousness that spills out of our mouths when we are near each other. these are just tidbits with no explanation or back story, which i think makes it funnier.

ps not all of these are pg, so consider yourself warned.  

"he told her he didn't want a relationship and she said she was cool with that, then right before he was about to come she wrapped her legs around him and said be my baby-daddy."

"there's no fees.
no fees?
what's that mean?
if you don't know what no fees means you're dumb as fuck and should be charged dumb as fuck fees."

"oh she's got her titties out, we gotta let her in the club."

"remember that time you feel asleep on that dudes lap in the library for an hour and you didn't even know who he was."

"law and order svu is like a drug, now I know how crack heads feel."

"i hate Gucci Mane.
me too, but I like it when he yells burr in the middle of his verses for no reason."

"tiffany, you're in the front seat of the cab right now, you're the only sober one. you're like $3.70 sober, ha."

"i don't like Miami fashion.
you mean you don't like the bedazzle trailer trash look?"

"why is every article of clothing sold in South Beach bedazzled?"

"that's happened to you before? you've been serenaded by a strange old man during dinner? you mean some random guy has come up to you singing love me tender during your dinner?
yeah, that's never happen to you?"

"i'm starting to notice how cute babies are, more often now; that scares me because it makes me think I want one.
What if you called Jordan and was all hey I'm ready for everything you're ready for.?
Oh yeah, i could be all hey, what's up? let's make a baby."

"from now on when i meet guys in the club i'm gonna say, if you're gonna have sex with me make sure its to make a baby and not just for fun. i'm trying to get impregnated."

"man, I can't wait for winter to come so the side boob can be laid to rest."

No comments: